A ScrewedUp Proposal
by Vanity-chan
Summary: Sequel to Confessions. By popular demand. For Sasuke's birthday. XD “Her lips are not the softest part.” SasuSaku.


_A/N: Here it is. The side story to CKMEB. I dedicate this to all the readers who loved CKMEB. The usual. It's also funny. Still in Sasuke's POV, __**OOC**__.. If I write it in Sakura's POV, it would be really hard. XD I'll write another version with Sakura's POV in it soon.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Sasuke-kun!_

_I suggest you read Confessions of Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor before reading this so that it the result of reading this will be awesome. XP_

* * *

A Screwed-Up Proposal  
By: Vanity-chan

_Side story to Confessions of Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor. By popular demand. XD "What do all these people want from me? I just want to propose, goddamn it!" SasuSaku._

* * *

"WHAT? What do you mean you don't want to propose?"

I scowled and looked around us to see some bystanders giving us odd stares. Leave it to Naruto to screw things up. I kept this a secret for a whole month and I trusted him not to tell anyone, but look at what he did! _(Okay. I'll admit. I just, uh, half-trusted him.)_

The dobe gave me a sour look before sitting down after his very loud outburst. _(Understatement of the year. Everyone heard it! Tch.) _He scooted closer to me and scrutinized my face. Rolling my eyes, I wondered why I even told him that I'd treat him to ramen. _(I should've chosen a different person to talk to.)_

"Don't you want to marry Sakura-chan?" He shook his head in what I thought was disappointment and then backed away from me.

Reluctantly, I looked at him and stopped walking just as we reached Ichiraku. Placing my hands in my pockets _(It's good to have pockets all the time. Believe me.)_, I answered him with all seriousness. "I do."

And I think it didn't come out right. Because he laughed. _(How dare this dobe laugh at me! Konoha's sex god! Hn.)_

"Teme! This is not a marriage rite. You look so serious, it actually scares me." He shuddered and stared at me with scary eyes. _(And how dare he mock me like this!)_

I snorted, sitting down beside him wordlessly. "Whatever, dobe."

"I want beef ramen this time!" He raised his fist in the air and then turned to look at me. _(I swear, his eyes annoy the hell out of me!) _"You're not eating?"

I shook my head, resting my elbows on the table and clasping my hands together. He shrugged and started eating after his beloved ramen was given to him.

I was really starting to regret what I just did. I entrusted my fate in the hands of a dobe. THE dobe, no less. _(And he's not my best friend. He's not. My. Best. Friend!) _So why did I just tell him my thoughts about this "You have to propose first before I give IT to you" issue?

He called me his best friend so I thought I'd do the same. _(But only because I need help with Sakura! Nothing else.) _And there were only three people that I knew I could trust with my problems. Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and Sakura. And I refused to tell Kakashi-sensei about this trivial matter because I knew he'll just fucking play with me. _(Hn. Couldn't have said it better.)_

So here I am at a ramen stand with a pathetically dobe friend. What's more interesting is that…

I'm paying for his meal and I'm asking him for advice. A freaking advice for my proposal. (_I bet everyone thought that this would never ever happen.)_

"Dobe…" I narrowed my eyes at him when he blinked at me for a second and then continued ravaging his meal. He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh."

I watched intently as he placed the chopsticks down, turning to the side to face me squarely. I really wanted to say something about his actions being strange, _(Seeing as he set aside his beloved ramen and all.) _but decided against it since I knew that he was about to tell me something important. _(I hope. Kami-sama, please let this be it! The moment of fucking truth.)_

"…Teme. It's now or never. Are you willing to propose or not?"

He looked so freaking serious that I did nothing else but nod my head. I was sure I would get into a humiliating situation by agreeing to this.

_(Why, oh, why did I ever agree to the idea of proposing to Sakura?)_

* * *

-

-

"I. Am. Not. Wearing. That… That… Thing."

I looked at Naruto incredulously, the feeling of regret slowly eating me up inside. This dobe, I swear to Kami, has no sense of fashion. Orange shirt? What the hell was he thinking, forcing me to wear an orange shirt? I know it's his favorite color, but come on. _(It actually clashes with Sakura's hair too…)_

He slumped against the couch, _(MY couch.) _disheveling his blonde locks in frustration. I chose to ignore the glares coming my way as I stared disgustedly at the orange shirt. _(Need I say more? It's… orange!)_

"Okay, fine. Dress how you want to, but avoid wearing that dark blue shirt again with the Uchiha crest at the back." He walked to my closet, skimming through the clothes that I had.

I got pretty annoyed when I heard him scream. "Dobe."

He almost banged the closet door. "Dude, what the fuck? Don't you have any other color? Your closet's full of blue, black and white!"

I snorted. "Tell me that when you're done with orange."

"Emo Prince." He muttered, probably thinking that I didn't hear it. _(Or maybe he purposely let me hear it.) _I glared even harder, with murderous intent, but he continued ignoring me, throwing some of my clothes on the bed. _(Shitfuckno! What does he plan on doing? Wreck my house?)_

I opened my mouth to reprimand him but he was suddenly in front of me in a flash that he gave me no time to speak. I blinked as he took a black, long-sleeved shirt and shoved it against my chest. "W-What?"

He shook his head in what I thought was disbelief. "Wear it. I want to see it!" He looked at the white cargo pants I was wearing and then back at me, nodding his head as he silently thought of whatever ideas that ran in his head. "Don't change your pants, alright?"

He slapped my back with another wide grin. That sickening grin that he had on his face yesterday. _(And the other day, and the day before, and the day before that.)_

* * *

-

-

I looked at myself in the mirror after dobe had gone to meet his girlfriend. I was terribly shocked that dobe was able to make me wear _decent _clothes with decent colors and a decent look. I could still remember how he complimented the way that my hair was stuck up like a chicken-butt, saying that I need not to comb it or something since it looked, well, nice. _(See how he compliments me and at the same time compares my hair to that of a chicken's butt?)_

He left a note at my desk, a note with the handwriting of a four year-old, messy and incoherent

_1. Buy a ring. I know you're rich, teme. You have a whole clan's fortune all to yourself. So buy something that deserves Sakura's ring finger._

Is he trying to point out the fact that my whole clan is dead? I thought I'd already scolded him about that topic being taboo when around me? I thought that there wouldn't be a repeat of our fight at the Valley of the End? I swear if he eve—_(I'm not sulking. I'm fuming. Silently. Get it?)_

_2. Buy flowers from Ino's flower shop. Cherry blossoms, okay? Sakura loves those._

It's pretty obvious, actually. Cherry blossoms. Sakura's namesake. I've known that since we were _innocent_ little kids. _(Psh, yeah right.) _I've known that since I was seven. I've known that since my clan died. _(Why can't I take that fucking topic out of my fucking mind?)_

_3. Go to her house. I left you the keys._

What the fuck? Why does this dobe have a key of Sakura's house? What if he barges in there while she's taking a bath or something? And why don't I have a key? _(So that I can also barge in her house while she's taking a ba--)_

_4. Buy umeboshi and anko dumplings. Prepare something fancy, but avoid spicy food._

Avoid spicy food, eh?

_5. Another option is to bring her to a restaurant. That is, if you don't want to cook or something._

Nah. I think I'd be more comfortable if I decide to propose in private. _(In her room perhaps, so that we'd have the consummation afterwards. Hn.)_

_6. Be more chivalrous. Avoid being a prick, okay? You look like some constipated bastard when you scowl._

That dobe. Of all the insults he could give me!_ (Fuck that_.)

_7. Kneel down on one knee and go on a full-blown love confession. I know you can do that, teme._

I can't even tell Sakura that I love her. _(Did I just say that mentally?) _And what is a full-blown love confession like? _(Uchihas, Uchihas. Too dense when it comes to love-love issues.)_

_8. I know she'll say yes, so after that you may kis—_

I stopped reading that part, knowing very well what the next words he had written meant. _(Duh? He's Jiraiya's apprentice.) _I can't believe this dobe knows a lot about her. I mean, I did not know that Sakura likes umeboshi and anko dumplings.

Clearing my mind of any thoughts, I grabbed the note and with one last look at my reflection in the mirror, I headed out of my apartment, determined to get this over with.

* * *

-

-

Hesitation was threatening to take over me. But I knew that the moment I stepped into Yamanaka's flower shop, my dignity would be lessened by twenty percent. I watched her gape at me from behind the counter.

"What are you looking at?" I dug my hands inside my pockets. _(See? Pockets are very useful. How many times do I have to say that?)_

"Uh, sorry. I just didn't expect to see you in this place." She hurriedly walked over to me, a bit flushed and probably shocked. I knew that this girl was once one of my fangirls, but I wasn't that dense and ignorant not to know that she's already Nara's girlfriend. _(Thank Kami. One fangirl down. Thousands more left.)_

"Hn."

She smiled uneasily, gesturing to the flowers beside her with her hand. "You need flowers?"

Scoff.

"This is a flower shop isn't it?"

She nervously laughed, but I just stared at her. I know that my eyes can scare the hell out of people, and one of those people is Yamanaka. _(Kami is siding with me this time.) _"R-Right." Her voice suddenly changed to its professional tone. It was odd for me to hear that, especially with her speaking, but I thanked the heavens that she was being serious about this. "For your… parents' grave?"

I nearly slumped my shoulders, but I was able to control myself before I ended up doing that. _(Because I'm not a wimp.)_

"Yamanaka, you're not funny." Honestly speaking, Yamanaka was more annoying than Sakura. I couldn't accept it to myself that they're best friends. _(Although it could also make some sense into that since both of them are indeed annoying. But my sex goddess is more gorgeous. Hn.)_

"Sorry."

Her apology was followed by an uncomfortable silence. Crossing my arms against my chest, I waited for something to come up. For her to speak, for me to think of something to say… Anything. It seemed like an eternity.

_Blink. Blink. (I've been doing this blinking thing a lot lately.)_

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Uh… Sure?"

"I'm proposing later this evening. I need flowers. For S-Sakura." My eyes grew large when I heard my voice waver a bit when I mentioned _her _name. It was then that I realized my mistake. I just told my secret to a well-known gossiper.

"WHAT?"

I actually expected that kind of reaction. I've been getting that a lot since I was bought by Sakura. Scowling for the umpteenth time, my eyes threatened to activate to Sharingan. "Keep it down, will you?"

I noticed her swallow hard before opening her mouth to speak. "Propose? To Sakura?"

My eyes moved of their own accord. Before I knew it, I was looking at her wryly. "Are you deaf, or what?"

"Sorry. I'm just shocked."

I sighed. In the most exasperating way that I could. _(To let her now how tired I was of this long, long conversation we're having.) _"Now show me the flowers. I need cherry blossoms."

Her jaw dropped. Now what's so shocking about what I said? Why do people always get surprised whenever they're around me? Why—_(Okay, stop it, Uchiha. You're being overly dramatic.) _

"Are you stupid? You're going to propose. You shouldn't just give her cherry blossoms. You should give her the perfect flowers." She started searching frantically around the shop for what I thought were the perfect flowers she was talking about.

She was looking at me with oddity now. That's when I noticed the familiar look in her eyes. _(Fuckfuckfuck. No. Not again.)_

"Are you willing to do what I'll tell you to do?"

I felt as if a thousand rasengans had been shot towards me. Was I this helpless when it came to marriage proposals? Why could't I just marry my sex goddess and live happily ever after? _(The End…) _"Are you Naruto?"

It was her turn to scoff at me this time. "What kind of question is that?" I could hear the laughter in her voice. But I chose to ignore it anyway.

"Hn. Nothing. What do you want me to do?"

* * *

-

-

Okay, so now that I have red roses courtesy of Yamanaka, I'm heading off to look for umeboshi. _(I can't believe I'm doing this.) _I looked so stupid with a basket of roses in my hand. Why did Yamanaka give me a basket?! She could've placed it in a freaking bouquet. I could feel people's eyes on me, especially those who kept giving me odd stares. They should mind their own business. I was just carrying a basket full of red roses! What's the problem with that? _(Uh, I think that's exactly the problem, isn't it?)_

"Oi. Uchiha."

I turned around to find Inuzuka staring at me with a confused face. I know what he was so confused about. It's the basket. The fucking basket. _(Way to go stating the obvious, Uchiha. How stupid can you get?)_

I stared at the basket in my hand and contemplated on whether Yamanaka did this for the sake of my proposal or for the sake of humiliating me. If it's the latter, then her mission, unfortunately, is complete.

"Do you… want to go with me to eat umeboshi?"

I just hate this basket! And I look like a silly little flower girl, carrying a basket of roses as I wandered through the busy streets of Konoha. _(A measley flower girl. GIRL.)_

"Uchiha, are you even listening?"

Really now. What would Sakura think of me? That I was not going to be the groom at our wedding but instead, I would be posing as the flower girl? _(GIRL?) _Look at Inuzuka. He's giving me odd stares.

"—umeboshi!"

I just hate this li—Wait…

_Blink. Blink._

Did I hear that right? Umeboshi? _(Damn. I think I'm imagining things.) _Inuzuka was already shaking with anger and annoyance as he glared at me with his dog-like eyes. I took a step backwards, but just with the purpose of avoiding having his saliva going on an excursion to my face. Not because I'm scared, alright? _(We're face to face, goddamn it! What would the people think of two guys standing face to face in public?!)_

"Hn. Where's this umeboshi that you're talking about?" I chose to ignore his glares at me. I asked him this question as indifferently as I can, since I didn't want to sound so interested. Uchihas are never interested about anything aside from power. _(Hn.)_

He snickered, nodding his head to our right with the aim of showing me where I could buy umeboshi so that I could get this over with and go away from him already.

"If you weren't so caught up staring at those rose petals as if they're the source of your dear life, then you would've heard me say that I'm inviting you to join me eat umeboshi." He started walking into the store, leaving me behind as I stared at his retreating back with confusion.

"And why would you do that?"

He turned his head to the side slightly, an indication that he's listening to me. I walked beside him and looked at the store in front of us. "Why would you invite me to join you? That never happened before."

He looked like he was about to ask me something, but then he shook his head and silently made his way inside. _(Is he deaf?)_

Shrugging slightly to myself, I followed behind him closely, mentally checking one number in my list. Flowers, checked that ever since I left Yamanaka's shop. Umeboshi, check.

This day couldn't get any worse…

* * *

-

-

I was glad to have finished hanging out with that dog-boy. He just kept talking about his dog, that I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do at once. _(What's that dog's name again? Aka-something?)_

I fingered the key inside my pocket with a scowl. Now here's another problem. What am I going to do? Sakura's at the hospital, since her shift ends at eight, so I still have time. But I have no idea about proposing and all that mushy love-love stuff. _(I wonder why things like these still have to be said rather than done. I can always make love to—Ehem.)_

Looking around me, I realized that Sakura's house was far, far away across the town. I've gallivanted far enough. _(With this stupid basket and this stupid umeboshi.)_

There was an empty bench across a… WHAT THE FUCK? Gay bar? _(Way to go finding your merry way into this place, Uchiha.) _Oh well. I was too exhausted to pay attention to those things. Besides, I was not inside, so I was safe. _(Yeah. I don't want gays squishing all over me like I'm some kind of plushie.)_

And I know that the whole population of Konoha, be it young or old, man or woman, knew that the one and only Uchiha survivor _(aside for one who is lurking somewhere.) _was completely masculine. Male. Manly. Mannish.

Hello? I _was_ Konoha's most eligible bachelor! I'm treated as a sex _god _by the whole female population. _(Hn.)_

So, why was I so concerned about seeing Hyuu-gay inside a gay bar? _(That rhymes, huh?)_

Wait…

Hyuuga Neji? In a gay bar? With the sun still up in the sky? _(Kami-sama, am I dreaming?)_

I was so stunned that I actually stood up in slow motion, pulling the basket _(that stupid, stupid basket) _and the umeboshi along with me. What surprised me more was that Neji looked my way and grinned. I thought he was just showing off his pearly white teeth, but I guess I was wrong. _(I'm only seldom wrong. Hn.)_

Walking towards the gay bar, I felt my hesitation growing as I took more steps and until I was inside. I stood beside him in front of what seemed like a counter. "Hey."

The grin that he was wearing on his face a while ago was gone in an instant and was replaced with a deep frown. An angry frown. _(Now what did I do?)_

I looked around in panic, wondering what the hell I should do with a drunk Hyuu-gay.

"YOU! You took my Sakura-san away from me! You should burn in the pits of hell!"

Rage suddenly took over my whole being. Add to that anger, frustration.

And jealousy.

"YOUR Sakura?"

He nodded his head eagerly, taking a shot of… whatever he's drinking. _(It smells bad too.) _The glass was banged against the counter and then he faced me squarely. _(People keep doing that with me today! Hn.) _"Sakura's supposed to be mine."

I could feel smoke coming out of my ears. HIS? MY sex goddess is only MY sex goddess. And besides, I never asked Sakura to buy me!

I think I said that out loud since Hyuu-gay stood up abruptly and glared me down. _(He's taller than me, damn it.)_

The angry look on his face suddenly changed to that of sorrow. I moved my eyes to look behind him, where a lot of people _(Gay people!) _were staring at us.

"Why am I only second best? ALWAYS second best." After that line, he started telling the story about the Main House and the Branch House and how he got the cursed seal on his forehead, and how his father died in place of his cousin's father, and so on and so on.

Almost everyone in our batch knew about this story. Heck, I even memorized the story long before because of his daily story-telling sessions about it. _(Blah, blah, blah.)_

"But I thought you liked Tenten? She was the one who bought you, right?" I tried to sound nice and kind. Really. I tried. But even though my words were… okay, the tone of my voice wasn't okay. _(The tone of my voice was a traitor. What if Hyuu-gay suddenly Eight Trigram-whatever Palm me? I needed to live to create Uchiha brats. Hn.)_

"Yes. But Sakura should be mine. I've been wooing her ever since." I was one of those people who knew about this little secret. I was a witness _(the one and only witness)_ of Hyuuga's declaration of his "undying love and devotion" for Sakura. Ever since that day, I have been irked by him, and whenever he tries to approach my Sakura, I was always there.

But that doesn't matter. Sakura's mine now. _(But I still have to propose, damn.)_

"You know what, Hyuuga, I have to leave." I patted his back with the slight intention of comforting him. _(But I'm not as gay as him, okay?) _I turned around without looking back. The hell I care about Hyuuga.

"You just can't leave like this, Uchiha."

My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. It seems that I've heard the wrong words.

Or he probably_ said_ the wrong words. _(No, no, no!)_

Everyone's attention was on us again. Just when I was about to leave and go on my merry way—

"You have to give her back to me. You don't need her anyway." He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me violently. His eyes turned into a darker color. _(I'm not scared, don't misunderstand.)_

"Hyuuga, my patience is thinning." _(Are you not afraid of Sharingan? Shame on you!) _

To my dismay, he was more stubborn than I thought. He pulled on my shirt like he was some kind of innocent little kid having tantrums. _(This is absurd. I don't deserve this kind of treatment! I'm Konoha's sex god.)_

"If you don't obey my command, Uchiha, I swear I'll throw you into the pits of hell. I'll call all your dead relatives and have you burned alive. If that doesn't work then I'll feed you to the crocodiles at the lake behind our—"

That's where his little speech ended. Was his oxygen supply cut off or what?

"HEY! YOU'RE UCHIHA SASUKE, AREN'T YOU?"

I thought that I had to be scared as soon as I heard that voice.

* * *

-

-

"Raise your left hand to your hair."

I reluctantly did what this guy told me to do, raising my left hand to my already disheveled hair. I seriously couldn't believe that I agreed to do this.

All for the purpose of getting a clue as to where Itachi was. Because this guy that was taking pictures of me…

Is a Sannin. The legendary Jiraiya.

The dobe's master.

A DOBE's master.

Which means that…

My life was at stake by doing this. _(But I needed the fucking information about Itachi!)_

That's why I ended up modeling for his novel. His dirty novel that I hadn't even dreamt of reading. Or even modeling for! But I guessed I had no choice. It's for the better. _(Hn.)_

"Your right hand should move throughout your body."

I hated the way he used dirty words to instruct me! The black shirt that Naruto had forced me to wear had been discarded long before. He leaned an arm on top of the camera he was using to take "sensual" pictures of me. _(I just quoted his words!)_

I think I was doing it the correct way now since he started moving and clicking away with his camera as I tried to avoid squinting my eyes because of the bright flash of his damn camera. _( I wonder if Sakura would be turned on by this loo--)_

Where the fuck did that thought came from? I should focus on the task at hand so that I can go to Sakura's house, propose, and so the problem will be solved quickly!

"Show me your face that's about to come."

But come to think of it..

These kinds of thoughts are what I need to finish this stupid thing. I have to get this over with already! I still have to propose to Sakura, to give her these roses, to give her umeboshi…

"Think of Sakura's lips."

What. The. Fucking. Fuck.

I sent him the most murderous and homicidal glare that I could send his way. He had no right to speak of my sex goddess that way! The nerve—

"Nice eyes." And he still tried to provoke me even more, huh?

I wanted to kill him, to use my Katon on him, or even activate my Sharingan. But I thought of something else. _(Time to avenge myself!)_

"Shall I tell you something good?" I smirked, straightening from the previous pose that I made. That made him stop and move his face away from the camera.

"Her lips aren't the softest part."

There was complete silence. I actually enjoyed this. I knew that he was stunned. More than stunned even. Shocked. Astounded. Mystified.

It's not everyday that Uchiha Sasuke, Konoha's sex god, talks about his sexual fantasies! Hn.

My heart started beating rapidly when I heard the door open and then close.

In came the person I least expected to come, but the one that I wanted to see.

Sakura.

-

-

-

"Did I hear it right, Sasuke-kun?"

* * *

-

-

A/N: Okay. This is the first part. It's too long, so I divided it into two parts. Sorry if it took so long for me to post this… XD As usual, to the lazy reviewers, "**I READ**." XD


End file.
